Sometimes I want to be just a lady

The lament of a 48 aged single woman

Sometimes I want to be just a lady

 

 

                                        

I want to be a woman, Just I want to be a lady.

Sometimes when I faced with reality that women are discriminated and fall into comtempt sexually, I had a grudge against this reality. But Sometimes I want to be just a graceful lady.  

When I took the heavy notebook back my shoulder and wore a low-heeled shoes and had to count on my fingers of the remembrance wearing a skirt since 20 years ago, I become upset for disappearing my femaleness.  

Not most men but most women are stuck an arrow of blame when they are discriminated in our society, Most men and some women blame like this, “What a fault the woman had”, “How bad the woman was”

Most men and even women are not side of a discriminated woman. So most women are so hurted from both sides. But modern and young woman will not suffer like that. Because they are smarter and more realistic than traditional women.

In these days, some people said, Men are beaten by his wife and are abused sexually. Just joking.

Though, There are many foolish women like me in the past who suffer and suffer and endure and endure. (even now I am not smart and realistic).

I want to tell some story to such women. It’s been a long time ago. I had watched TV Program that was made of the successful persons’ story and episode. The protagonist was Joe Sung Ah, a makeup artist. It is rare for such a small and fat woman to be a makeup artist. And more frightening me is her persistence and pride about her work.

There was an interesting episode made me impressed. At that time she managed small beautyshop with several workers. In order to promote her business, she had a drinking party with her men and some men concerning her business. In Korea, there is this kind of words “Men becomes a dog only if they drank.” This thing happened to that party. As a man dancing with a woman, his hand touching her hip smoothly and intentionally. Though She is not a hostess. To see the scene, Jo Sung Ah could not endure and burst into anger and turned over the table.  And she said, “I was angry at that time, a woman don’t need to entertain a man such like that, if we only have skilled ability. Even a woman can be succeed not to have a dirty party”    

I agreed with her to see her on TV. I sent her the clap of the empathy in my mind. Although I was so doubtful woman, I thought that caused "she was ugly, she has no femaleness, she has inferiority, So that kind of act is come out her heroic display".

But I was frightened once again. She was a so beautiful woman that she could slap the cheek of Miss Korea. And she laughed and said, “the reason that I am changed like this(to see me, she was like pig) is the occupational disease. I work everytime, so I eat irregularly” But She was so confidential and brave and proud to see me. I like her as a woman.

From that time, these kinds of words “the ability, the confidence, skill’ turned around in my mind. And I asked myself. My score of effort, confidence and special skill?  It was too small for me to boast of. I reflected myself like this, “Though I am lazy to try to raise my ability, I lament the world and resent the men” And at that time, I had a seat in the smellish library to improve my ability, In the other hand I lament to lose my femaleness.    

What irony this is in the world? This is the dilemma that most women have.

However, Now I am a 48 aged woman, I experienced and suffer the difficulty of realty. I already came to know there is the wall that a single woman do not come over and go over and turn over.

The wall of reality is so high and high. I felt that with the whole body when I became aged.

 The success do not be analyzed with only one factor, an ability. The ability is not all things.

However even failure and the sorrow make me another I and bring me the other effort. The hope is given to anybody to live a life. The life is long.  According to the old words, There are “now glad, now sad”, “turn a misfortune into a blessing”, “blessing in disguise”, Today I murmur these words, I try to go up step by step to raise me up, In the other hand, lamenting to lose my femaleness...